Spoonism

I submitted this to an online contest that offered $50 for the top prize. I didn't win. In fact, I didn't even make the top ten. I'm obviously doing something wrong. To see the rest, click here.

The entire world should convert to Spoonism. I converted last year, and it bettered my life instantly.

First, it allowed me to cast off those pesky clergy. Those dark-dressed fellas want all your Sunday mornings. Spoons don't. They're happy as long as munch the occasional bowl of cereal with them.

When tough questions come up, I hold the spoon and feel comfort in its shape. I call it spooning. Like embracing a loved one. Then a miraculous thing happens—I find my own solutions!

The nicest thing about Spoonism is I'll never fight anyone over it. The spoon doesn't care what other people think. Why should I? And who's going to object to a Spooner? Well, maybe those unemployed clergy. They just might attack us. In that case, spoons tend to be stored with knives.